Season: Winter Ages 0-6

For the first few years of life, children explore the world through their senses (e.g. they put objects in their mouth, bang things together, climb, crawl, walk, watch you and copy your behavior). They notice everything, but they don’t recognize danger. They may even act like they don’t need you, but they do. Welcome to parenthood! [p. 20]

The child’s imagination is being developed which is one reason you buy expensive toys and they spend more time playing with the box than the toy. [p. 20]

Prescription

You are your child’s superhero…don’t let her down. [p. 20]

Words of Wisdom (Deuteronomy 6:1-9, Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4)

• Be loving (Be devoted and dedicated—DAD, tender vs. neglectful and harsh/rough)…Instead,love and pray for your children in all seasons of their life
• Be nurturing (Be encouraging and foster their development)…Speak their love language…
• Keep your word…Follow your heavenly Fathers example and keep your promises…
• Be consistent…Children need structure…

Build a strong foundation of trust in the early years…Building trust is a work of a lifetime (Parents must continue to cultivate a trusting relationship with their child through each season of life).

Reference: Jeffery & Pattiejean Brown, A Guide to Parenting: On the Winning Team with Your Children [Book], pp. 20-24

Season: Spring 7-10

Imagination gives way to the concrete and tangible. What is real is now what is being experienced. [Children ages 7-10] want proof. They want evidence…Literalism and legalism enter the picture (e.g. they tell you when you’re speeding or not wearing a seatbelt, they may like to bargain—I’ll do this if you do that. [p.21]

Prescription

Beware of your child becoming selfish and manipulative. Teach and model that it is still better to give than to receive. Be consistent. Be what you claim to be. [p.21]

Remember peer groups start to become important [to children between the ages of 7-10]. [They will listen] to you, but [they will also listen] to them. [They will listen] to [their] teacher. And [they will listen] to television stars. [p.21]

Recognize that you [will lose] exclusive control over your [children during these years], but [they are still your children] … So, know who the other influences on your children are. Watch from a distance if you must but watch anyhow. [p.21]

Words of Wisdom (Deuteronomy 6:10-16, 17-24, 1 John 3:18 NIV)

• When your child asks the questions… Who? … What?… When?… Where?… How?…and Why?…Tell your story, tell the truth (Be transparent and honest)
• Remember that character building requires using the right tools at the right time for each season of life (e.g. you need a shovel for snow in the winter, clippers to prune trees in winter or spring)
• Take time to know what type of tree you have…early or late bloomer…

Note: A late bloomer is a person that begins puberty late. Most males begin puberty at ages 10 – 15, 10 being early, and 15 being late. Most females begin puberty at ages 8- 13, 8 being early, and 13 being late. An early bloomer is a person who matures faster than average mentally, emotionally, and/or physically.

If your purpose for pruning is to enhance flowering: For trees that bloom in spring, prune when their flowers fade. Trees and shrubs that flower in mid- to late summer should be pruned in winter or early spring. Non-blooming Trees and Shrubs: Prune in late winter while fully dormant. Summer-blooming Trees and Shrubs: Prune in late winter. Spring-blooming Trees and Shrubs: Wait until immediately after they bloom. They are the exceptions to the rule, but you still should prune them as early as you can.

Season: Summer 11-16                                                              

Summer—when it’s hot—very hot…It’s the time that you are in the most danger of losing your child [or your mind]. Summer is a time of turmoil…A time when so many important decisions must be made. This is the time when the real self emerges; when we need to watch the child like hawks. It is our responsibility to get into our child’s world…This is a time when [your child] may decide to follow their faith. The mind can now deal with the concrete and abstract. [p. 22]

The supreme question is the why question. It may appear obvious to you. [Your children] may appear to understand everything when [they] were younger, but [during the summer years they are] questioning. Let [them]…Love [them]. There’s a struggle because a new birth is taking place. This is pregnancy time again, but it’s not a child that is coming; an adult is about to be formed. There is pain. [p. 22]

Prescription

Adolescents benefit from instruction and concrete explanations. Parents be warned; there is morning sickness ahead. Some days it looks as if you are going to make it. Other days you can’t see it. A new self is emerging. Values, commitments, relationships are being formed and solidified. [Your child wants to be independent, but at this stage the umbilical cord is still there. There is a connection. There is a lifeline. Expose [your child] gradually to the world of work, the experience of driving, the privilege of service, and he joy of faith. But recognize that you don’t have long. The cord is about to be cut…Pump life-giving, love-building nutrients into that body now—while you can. [p. 20]

Words of Wisdom (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, 20-25, Psalm 40:1-10, Ephesians 5:1, 8-9, 17-19, 1 Peter 1:3-9)

• Be clear in your instructions and explanations: (“And the Lord commanded…Thus saith the Lord….”)  …Don’t give them your opinions, give them Biblical principles to live by…for the word of God endures forever. [1 Peter 3:10-12, 13-16, 17-21, 22-25]
• Although the third trimester of pregnancy is tough, and the movements and kicks that were once exciting, are now uncomfortable and even down right painful, remember that God created your child and has a plan for their life. [Ps. 139:1-13, 14, 15-19 & Jeremiah 1:4-9, 29:11-12]
• Remember the power of prayer and the word of God…Summer is a time of heart work not just hard work. Pray for your child to have a heart for God.Use the right tools at the right time… [Hebrews 4:11-13, 14-16, James 1:1-7, 12, 19-21, 22-25, 26-27, James 2:5, 8-12, 14-20]

Use summer as a time to build your child’s faith and not just fences. Yes, you are responsible for protecting your child, but you are also responsible for equipping your child. Plant the seed of God’s word, pray for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on their life, in the early and later rain, and don’t block them from sun or trample on them but get out of the way and let them receive the life-giving light of the Son of Righteousness [Jesus, the living word] and watch them grow by the grace of God.

Season: Autumn 17 and onwards

Autumn marks the end of a cycle. It’s been great…The grass isn’t growing as fast anymore. The trees are starting to turn [gold and] brown…Leaves are falling, and fall means leaving. As a parent, you don’t know what [your child] will face but you hope that you’ve prepared [your child]. Autumn is time of transition from the faith of their parents to their own faith…It’s what’s left when the winds [of life] start to blow…Sickness and setbacks may stalk them; doubts and disappointments may dog them; failure and faltering may follow them… [pp. 23-24]

Prescription

Words of Wisdom (Luke 10:25-28, Ephesians 4:1-32, 5:2, 6:10-20,23-24, John 1:1-3, 10-13, Romans 8:31-38)

• During the fall season, the question, “How?” is supreme. Show them how to love God and others!
• How to walk worthy of the calling God has placed on their life…Walk in love as Christ loved us….)
• How to speak words of life that help to build others up and meet their needs.
• How to be a kind, tenderhearted, forgiving, child of God.
• Remember, self must die but God’s designed people to experience a new birth into spiritual as well as physical adulthood. Those who become children of God and believe in His name are “born, not of the flesh, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. For God so loved the world [including you and your children], that He gave His one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. [John 3:6-7, 16].

Children grow up and may leave home, but nothing shall separate us from the Love of God

Gifts That Last a Lifetime

Although God our heavenly Father knows how to give good gifts to His children (Matthew 7:11 ). We earthly parents struggle at times, especially, this time of the year.

During this holiday season parents are often busy trying to find and give their children the perfect gift. Often kids break or lose interest in the gifts before the next holiday season. But parents can give their kids gifts that their kids will not only appreciate but those gifts can last a lifetime.

Some gift ideas that can make an impact that last a lifetime are intangible gifts such as:

· Quality Time (Give a gift certificate for one hour a week doing an activity your child enjoys for a year)

· Acts of Service (Give a gift certificate to help your child with their chores once a week for a year)

· Words of encouragement (Give your child a journal and write a message of encouragement or a prayer at least once a week for a year)

Watch and see your relationships with your children transform within just one year. Remember, part of parenting is making memories that last a lifetime.

Next time we will talk about an another intangible gift that all members of the family can appreciate, the gift of listening.

This week we will focus on another gift that anyone will appreciate, the gift of listening!

Not only did God gives an obvious hint about the importance of listening vs. talking by creating us with two ears and one mouth but God gave us clear instructions in the Bible about how we should communicate:

“…be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” [James 1:19 KJV]

While we all can recognize that healthy communication is an essential ingredient of a healthy relationship, our actions seem to reveal that we have things backwards.

We are often quick tempered, attempt to talk over or louder than others, especially when we are angry, and when others are talking, we are not listening because we are too busy thinking about what we want to say next.

We simply overlook the fact that the effective communication is a respectful, attentive, two-way interaction.

Remember, parents must model the behavior they want to see in their children. If you want your kids to listen to you, then you must take time to listen to your kids.

So, try to give the gift of listening. You may even see your relationships transform overnight.

Note: Listening works with family and friends of all ages and is one of the best gift exchanges because people who engage in two-way communication naturally pay attention to one another.

For the new year, make and keep a new years’ resolution to give the gift that keeps on giving by following God’s instructions to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.

Take a Parenting Self-Test

This month we will take a closer look at “the way…” we parent and train/teach our children by starting with the word of God. Proverbs 22:6 is a very familiar Bible verse that people often quote without understanding the full meaning. A lot of parents focus on the part about training a child but forget about the part that says, “in the way [he or she] should go”.

Have you ever thought about the way you parent your children who each have different personalities, interests, and abilities? Some additional questions to think about are:

·         How do you interact with your kids?

·         Do you spend most of your time engaged in power struggles and negative communication with your kids?

·         Should you adjust what you focus on teaching your children (e.g. Focus on training your child in the way God designed your child to fulfill God’s purpose rather than attempting to make a replica of yourself)?

Before attempting to answer these questions, try completing a parenting self-test designed to help you think through and improve your parenting. Click here to navigate to the website of the National Center for Biblical Parenting and complete the parenting self-test.

Analyzing your interaction with your kids 

God gives specific instructions on “the way” that parents should interact with and teach their children. In fact, 2 Timothy 3:16 says:

“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.” [NJKV]

The parenting self-test required honest self-examination when it asked about what percentage of your time do you spend with your children on doctrine (teaching the word of God), reproof (e.g. criticism, scolding, lecturing, etc.), correction, and instruction in righteousness (e.g. living by Biblical Principles).

If very little of your time is spent on teaching the word of God and training your children on how to live according to God’s plan and the majority of the time is spent on scolding and punishing, then it may be time to make some adjustments in the way you are parenting.

God has given us the blueprint for building strong relationships with our children and helping them grow spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. The following scriptures are just a few of the many helpful tips from the Bible on how to raise our children:

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (NKJV) 

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.  “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Ephesians 6:4 (NKJV)

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”